Missing Mom

Each day I think the phone is going to ring and suddenly it will be my mom asking me to come and help her with something that she cannot do anymore, or just to chat, or possibly to go to lunch. Well, the phone doesn't ring quite as much anymore. That is the hardest part of not having her here with us. When she was alive, she would call me all the time. Sometimes up to eight times a day. It would make me crazy and I know that I complained mercilessly. She wanted to be with me every minute that she could. And yes, I did see her every day and sometimes twice or three times a day. If I had only known it would be so soon that she would leave me, I wouldn't have been so stupid.

Today, I went to her house to pick up pears that had been mowed over by the lawn guys. it was cold and cloudy, but I had a lot of garbage bags and knew that it needed to be done. Such a messy, stinky, sticky mess. I forgot my work gloves, so I guess my fingernails will remain brown for awhile. It was exhausting! The neighborhood was so quiet. I couldn't stop thinking about my mom and how hard it was going to be now that both of my parents are gone. I sat down in the slimy pear mess and cried. Cried really hard. ANGRY at life! Angry that we have to go through soooo much hurt! After crying for what seemed like an eternity, suddenly the clouds broke just enough for the sun to shine down on me. I looked up and felt such a comforting feeling all around me. I know this is something that is probably to spiritual for a blog, but if I don't write it somewhere, I will forget how I felt. I felt that everything was going to be okay and that life would go on and be great. I know that they are with me and are watching out for all of us more than ever. I will get used to the phone not ringing. I know it will take awhile, but I know that my sweet mom will never really leave me.